ANG PINAKA: POPULAR NA PAMAHIIN

1. Kung gustong makita ang mapapangasawa, humarap sa salamin nang hatinggabi na may hawak na kandila.
2. dapat iwasan ng babae at lalaking ikakasal ang magbiyahe para maging ligtas sa aksidente.
3. Huwag isusukat ang trahe de boda bago ang araw ng kasal at baka hindi ito matuloy.
4. ang lalaking ikakasal ang dapat maunang dumating sa simbahan bago ang babae, upang makaiwas sa malas.
5. Kapag nalaglag ang singsing, belo o aras habang ikinakasal, hindi magiging masaya ang pagsasama ng mag-asawa.
6. Malas ang sukob sa taon, o pagpapakasal ng magkapatid sa loob ng isang taon.
7. habang kumakain pa ang isang dalaga, huwag itong pagligpitan ng pinagkainan at baka hindi na ito makapangasawa.
8. Ang taong sumusunod sa mga yapak ng mga bagong kasal ay malapit na ring humarap sa altar.
9. Kapag umalis ang asawa mo matapos ninyong mag-away, isabit mo ang t-shirt niya sa ibabaw ng kalan at hampas-hampasin mo ito. Sigurado, babalikan ka ng asawa mo!
10.‘wag magwawalis sa gabi. Baka malasin ka.
11.Pag makati ang palad, magkakapera ka!
12.Magbigay ng discount sa unang customer para maganda ang benta (“buena mano”).
13.Ang sinumang makabasag ng salamin ay mamalasin ng pitong taon
14.Ang matulog nang nakatapat ang mga paa sa pintuan ay maagang mamamatay.
15.Kapag may dumaang pusang itim sa iyong harapan, mamalasin ka!

Source : Ang Pinaka TV Show on QTV-11

ANG PINAKA: KONTROBERSYAL NA SHOWBIZ LOVE AFFAIRS

1. JOEY MARQUEZ & KRIS AQUINO
2. ALEX CRISANO & ETHEL BOOBA
3. RICO YAN & CLAUDINE BARRETO
4. DOLPHY QUIZON & ZSA ZSA PADILLA
5. JOMARI YLLANA & ARA MINA
6. JOHN ESTRADA & VANESSA DEL BIANCO
7. RYAN AGONCILLO & JUDY ANN SANTOS
8. MAHAL & JIMBOY
9. JERICHO ROSALES & HEART EVANGELSITA
10. ARCHIE & MADAM AURING
11. MARK HERRAS & JENNYLYN MERCADO
12. RICHARD GUTTIEREZ & ANNE CURTIS
13. RICHARD GOMEZ & SHARON CUNETA
14. RUDY HATFIELD & RUFA MAE QUINTO
15. JOEY MARQUEZ & ALICIA MAYER

Source : Ang Pinaka TV Show on QTV-11
Photo : www.pep.ph

ANG PINAKA: MABENTANG CELEBRITY ENDORSER

1. SHARON CUNETA
2. KRIS AQUINO
3. AGA MULACH
4. MANNY PACQUIAO
5. ANGEL LOCSIN
6. MICHAEL V.
7. KC CONCEPCION
8. VILMA SANTOS
9. MARICEL SORIANO
10. PIOLO PASCUAL
11. SAM MILBY
12. CHARLENE GONZALES
13. CLAUDINE BARRETTO
14. HEART EVANGELISTA
15. CESAR MONTANO

Source : Ang Pinaka TV Show on QTV-11

The Top Ten Traffic Moments - Astroboy

* Homer - My lolo was one lucky person. He was stuck in traffic in the northbound lane on the SLEX. Right next to the airport, an airplane overshot the runway and settled on the highway. He was the last car missed by the plane.
* Kirei - During traffic along EDSA, my best friend and I found ourselves behind a military truck. I waved at the soldiers, smiled, and blew them a kiss. A couple of soldiers waved back while the others smiled. Sobrang hiya ng best friend ko. So I told her, kahit sa ganung paraan man lang, mapabaunan ko sila ng konting saya bago sila sumabak sa digmaan.
* Specialist - I was along c5 on my way to the office. After the Katipunan flyover, I saw a plastic bag thrown from the shanties. It almost hit the car in front of me. It splattered and I saw that it was filled with human poop.
* Riverbanks - Our car and the car in front of us were flagged down by an MMDA person each. The car in front sped off after talking to the MMDA, then that guy talked to our MMDA. Apparently, the girl in front was Kris Aquino, and she told the MMDA that we were with her. If that was really her, then thanks, Ms. Kris!
* Dru - I was listening to my ipod as I crossed the street. Then this truck almost ran me over. When I looked up, it was a truck of condoms!
* XtraRice - As I was making sabit sa likod ng jeep (I’m a girl), the car right behind me started honking. When I looked, who should it be? My crush.
* SC - I was stuck in trafic 0n a jeep somewhere in Blumentritt, when a w0man suddenly screamed, her ear bleeding. Apparently may humabl0t ng earrings niya, a guy 0n a bike.
* Astroboy - I saw this car sticker on a car in fr0nt of me in traffic: “WARNING: children playng outside the car can cause accidents and adults playing inside the car can cause children!”
* Carlo - When we were stuck in traffic in Cavite, we decided to ask a jeepney driver what was causing the congestion. The driver replied,”Kasi may umano sa ano diyan sa may ano eh.”
* Marcus - One rainy August afternoon in 1998, I left the office in Pasig at 4:30pm and reached Alabang at 5am the next. We spent the whole night crawling in traffic along SLEX.
* Racer - An MMDA flagged down a friend who was on a motorcycle. My friend said, “Ano pong violation?” The MMDA answered, “Wala naman, pa-angkas lang. Trafik eh.”
* SC - While stuck in traffic in a taxi who happened to be listening to RX, I texted you guys to tell manong driver na pakilakasan ang aircon kasi nagmamantika na ko sa likod. Without talking, he did.
* SPY Shadow - Our military vicar was apprehended by a highway patrol for beating the red light. But the officer, who was a Catholic, let him go when he recognized the priest, and said “Father, ingat na lang kayo doon sa next intersection kasi hindi po mga Katoliko ang mga assigned doon!”
* Astroboy - One night, my sister had to take a taxi h0me. Nung malapit na siya, she tapped the driver’s sh0ulder then he screamed! He said after, “Pasensiya na po, 25 years kasi ak0ng driver sa punerarya. Di ako sanay na kinakalabit ng pasahero.”
* No name - While stuck in traffic on a bridge, may dad suddenly screamed, “May tumalon!” Apparently a lady committed suicide by jumping off.
* Sayuri - We were not moving along Roxas blvd, when suddenly a motorcade on the other lane stopped right alongside of us. My son rolled down his window to see the commotion, then the limo that the police were escorting rolled down the windows, and who should peek out — Michael Jackson! He handed his sampaguita necklace to my son.
* Jose de vengenge - One time in a bus, the conductor shouted, “O sige, pasok lang, maluwag yan kasi laging ginagamit!”

Source : Morning Rush with Chico and Del

ANG PINAKA: MABISANG LUNAS SA PUSONG SAWI

1. UMIYAK KA!
2. ‘WAG MAHIYANG HUMINGI NG TULONG SA MGA KAIBIGAN
3. LEARN TO FORGIVE AND FORGET
4. MAGPA-SPA, MAG-SHOPPING PERO HINAY-HINAY LANG SA GASTUSIN
5.‘WAG IKULONG ANG SARILI. LUMABAS KA.
6.‘WAG MAGMADALI!
7. MAGBISI-BISIHAN KA SA TRABAHO O BAGONG HOBBY
8. ANG PAGTAWA!
9. ANG PAGBABAGO NG ROUTINE
10.ALISIN SIYA SA SISTEMA MO MAGHANAP NG BAGONG KAIBIGAN O ENVIRONMENT.
11.ISIPIN ANG KINABUKASAN MO AT ‘WAG NANG BALIKAN ANG NAKARAAN.
12.ITAGO ANG MGA SOUVENIR NIYA, PICTURES AT LETTERS PERO WAG SUNUGIN AT BAKA MAGSISI
13.IWASAN MUNA ANG LOVE STORIES, LOVE SONGS, AT ROMANTIC MOVIES
14.TUMULONG SA IBANG NANGANGAILANGAN
15.PAKIKIPAG-REUNITE SA MGA DATI MONG KAKILALA O KAIBIGAN.

Source : Ang Pinaka TV Show on QTV-11

The Top Ten Inuman Quotes - Astroboy

* Baloy/Pags - Nung tinanong ako ng magulang ko, “Anong napapala mo sa kaka-inom?” Tinanong ko rin sila, “Anong napapala ninyo sa kaka-sermon?”
* Shuurei - Fave quote on drinking: “Buo ang loob, wasak ang isipan.”
* Maximo - Nahuli ni misis si mister na lasing sa club, kaya nagpanggap siyang GRO. Mrs:”Pogi, gusto mo ko i-table?” Mr: “Ayoko sa yo, kamukha mo asawa ko!”
* Junus - “Biruin na ang lasing, kahit pa ang bagong gising, wag lang ang bading na inagawan ng booking.” * CnigngNaBngus - While drinking with the boss, she challenged, “Ang ayaw na uminom, bading!” Wanting to go home already, I told her, “Suko na akesh!”
* Sh0aoDaBrat - You know why alcohol is better than milk? Pangit kasi pakinggan yung, “Tara ‘tol, dede tayo!”
* Maximo - A girl in a bar was offered margaritas, got drunk & was gang-raped. The next day, not remembering what happened the previous night, she came back to the same club & was again offered the same drinks. She said, “Ayoko na ng margarita, masakit sa puk*!”
* Pluralized LghtNing - Dead drunk and on a jeepney, I blurted out, “Mama, tagay!”
* KiD BuKid - I’ve had a priest seatmate once during a flight home from Dubai. At an altitude of 32,000 feet, he was asked by the stewardess if he would care for a hard drink. The churchman hesitated for a moment and then said, “Maybe not. We’re a little too close to ‘Headquarters!”
* Kresha - During a drink fest in Tagaytay, my cousin was so drunk that she chased my gay friend shouting, “Halika dito, gagawin kitang lalake!”
* Bottom Dweller - “Pare…ishang lashing nalang…bote na ko!”
* Tomba - Text exchange between 2 friends: Ben, the hunk, and Alvin, the gay who was drunk. Ben: “Matagal ko nang tinatago ang nararamdaman ko para sa yo.Mahal na mahal kita.” Alvin: “Oh my gosh, akala mo ba ikaw lang? Mahal na mahal din kita, Ben!” (long pause) Ben: “Pare, wrong send ako.”
* Junus - 2 drunks peeing in public toilet, one straight, one gay. Gay was watching straight guy as he peed. Straight: “Pag di ka tumigil, hahampasin kita nito!” Gay: “Promise?”
* Faus - “Drinking is the haven of the weak.”
* Marcus - While drinking with an unpopular American officer, one officemate blurted, “Langyang Kano ito, ang hina sa inuman! Isang bote palang, inggles na ng inggles!”
* PUTUNGTUNG’S DAD - A father was trying to teach his son about the evils of alcohol. He put 1 worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whisky. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whisky died. FATHER: “All right son, what have you learned?” SON: “Well dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, hindi ka magkakabulate!”
* Lanz - Isang girl may nakitang umiihing lasing sa daan. Girl: “Ano ba yan! Ang daming bulb*l pero ang liit ng t*ti!” Lasing: “Anong gusto mo, maraming tit* pero maliit ang bulb*l?”
* The Game - Dalawang lasing: Lasing 1: “Pare totoo bang babaeng lamok lang ang nangangagat?” Lasing 2: “Tanga, pati aso nangangagat!”
* Orrken - The morning after 2 guys were dead drunk, they woke up beside each other on a small bed. Guy 1: “Ang sikip!” Guy: “Ganun talaga…first time ko eh…”
* SC - During an all-girl inuman, one friend complained that only ugly men are courting her. Another friend assured her, “Ganun talaga, kasi yung mga guwapo, sila-sila ang nagliligawan!”
* Dok Erick - Couple sees a wounded skunk and picks it up. Wife: “It’s cold and shivering!” Husband: “Put it in between your legs.” Wife: “What about the smell?” Husband: “Takpan mo nalang ilong niya!”
* Mayi - “Beer over wine, not so fine. Wine over beer, never fear. Beer over whisky, very risky. Beer over brandy fine and dandy.”
* Specialist - I had a freudian slip and orderd, “Isa ngang sizzling tiyan ng bellydancer!”
* Jose de vengenge - Drunk 1: “”Ano nga pala spelling ng orange?” Drunk 2: “Alin, yung kulay o yung prutas?”
* Chinese Cowboy - “Huwag manghiram ng tapang sa alak dahil bukas duwag ka na ulit.”
* Baloy - “Drunken words are spoken by sober hearts.”
* No name - Namatay yung kapitbahay namin na drug dealer. Sa 1st night ng bur0l, may mga dumating na addict na mga lasing. Biglang lumapit yung isa, sabay yumakap sa kabaong sabay sigaw ng, “Drug lord, bakit mo kami iniwannn!!!”
* Amber - “What’s the use of a hangover if the heart still hurts more than the head?”
* Jhun Gwapo - “Drinking doesn’t cure any trouble, but it only holds your problem till tomorow.”
* Jose de vengenge - Our gay friend was trying to comfort a straight friend who just broke up w/ his girlfriend. STRAIGHT: “Wala na kong silbi! Puputulin ko na ang ari ko at ipapakain sa aso!” GAY: “Arf! Arf! Arf!”

Source : Morning Rush with Chico and Del

ANG PINAKA: DELICIOUS SUMMER MERIENDA '08

1. BARBECUE NG INENG’S BARBECUE
2. PANCIT MALABON SA ROSY’S PANCIT MALABON
3. PANCIT CON LECHON SA
4. PANCITERIA NI EDONG
5. EMPANADITAS SA LUCKY 21 KAMUNING
6. GUINUMIS NG VIA MARE
7. KAMIAS SHAKE AT CAIMITO SHAKE NG CAFÉ BOLA
8. BUCO PANDAN NG KEN AFFORD, SA KATIPUNAN
9. DIGMAN HALO-HALO SA CAVITE
10. ANG HALO-HALO NA NAGLIPANA SA MALLS
11. MINIMALIST HALO-HALO NG RAZON’S, PAMPANGA

Source : Ang Pinaka TV Show on QTV-11

The Top Ten Creative Titles For Sexy Movies - racer

Yñaki - “Ang Sabi Mo’y Hihipuin Mo Lamang”
jose de vengenge - “Basa Na Ang Peklat Nang Aking Masalat”
Dru’s Partner - “Bukas, Luluhod Ang Mga Bakla”
Big Pen’s Dad - “Pinoy Hulk: Palaki Ng Palaki Habang Nagagalit”
SC - “Gaano Man Kasikip, Kaya Ko Pa Ring Isiksik”
Mumbaki - “Umaga Na Ng Hinugot”
Astroboy - “Ang Susong Hinipo Ni Adan” (The Snail That Adam Touched)
Espeks - “Budburan Mo Ng Niyog Ang Mainit Kong Pichi-Pichi”
Obama Binladen - “Dark Night: Sa Tindi Ng Dilim, Nalusutan Ng Bading”
LOipogi - “Manila Bi Night: Ang Str8-Curious Ng Malate”
LOipogi - “Nang Bumukaka Ang Pusit, Biglang Pumulandit”
Awsom - “Ang Kati Ng Higad Mo”
Jose de vengenge - “Mainit Pa Ang Gatas Ni Lucas”
Penny Lane - “Luha Sa Dulo Ng Batuta”
Penny Lane - “Brittle Pa Ba Ang Peanut Mo?”
Jayseeen Sandoval - “Sawsawan Ni Tentay”
Warriorpoet - “The Flowering Of Diego Binayagbag”
No name - “Lasapin Mo Ang Katas Ng Matamis Kong Prutas”
Jhoy - “Makipot Man Ang Daan, Susuko Din Ang Bataan”
Billog - “Iputok Mo Sa Labas: Happy New Year!”
Billog - “Lunukin Mo Ang Mainit Kong Sabaw”
Astroby - “Sobra Sa Subo…Ubo, Ubo, Ubo”
Reuben Feffer - “Unang Sirit”
No name - “Napagod Ang Bunganga Sa Laki Ng Tilapia”
No name - “Ulo Pa Lang, Ulam Na!”
No name - “Lawayan Mo, Baka Mausog”
No name - “Kapag Gumabi, Bubuka Ang Kabibe”
No Name - “Wag Mong Kamayin, Baka Mapanis”
No name - “Nang Binuklat Ang Aklat Ni Sabel”
No name - “Huling Landi Ni Lola”
No name - “Damang-dama Ko Ang Galit Mo”
Gorgeous - “Pagod Na Si Inday, Gusto Pa Ng Panday”
Mencius - “Ako’y Magbabaging Sa Mahaba Mong Saging”
Parry Hotter - “Kinuyakoy Ni Kokoy Ang Kuweba Ni Eba”
Warriorpoet - “Mga Halinghing Sa Lumang Kubeta”
Menard - “Kainin Mo Hangga’t Gusto Mo”
Menard - “Nasan Ang Tigas Mo?”
Jose de vengenge - “Madaling Labasan” (Easy Exit)
Spy Shadow - “Nang Taktakin Ni Yaya Ang Bulalo Ni Koya”
Yellowcat - “Wag Mong Ibabad, Isawsaw Mo Lang!”
Rovick Rovivrus - “Jack, Call Me Naman!”
Rowie - “Pag Basa Na Ang Bibingka, Matigas Na Ang Tikoy”
Mwah - “Diko, Dikya Ko Yan!”
Your Highness - “Kapag Ang Itlog Naging Pula…May Kumamot!”
Maximo - “Dugo At Pag-ibig Sa Kapirasong Banig”
Loi Pogi - Titimbangin Ko, Kikiluhin Mo”
No name - “Nang Tumalsik Ang Nata Ni Cocoy”

Source : The Morning Rush with Chico and Delamar

ANG PINAKA: PAMILYAR NA TANDA NG PAGTATAKSIL

1. Ang iyong intuition o gut feel!
2. Biglang pagbabago ng sa
3. Biglaang pagbabago sa atensiyon na ibinubuhos niya sa iyo.
4. Biglang iniiwasan ka ng mga kaibigan o katrabaho ng asawa mo.
5. Nawawalan ng interes sa pamilya. At nakakalimot sa special occasions.
6. Umiiwas sa mga kaibigan at sa kakilala n’yo.
7. Nang-aaway nang walang dahilan. Pinagdududahan pa ang katapatan mo.
8. Hindi na isinusuot ang kaniyang wedding ring
9. Biglang pagbabago sa schedule niya.
10. Interesadong-interesado sa schedule mo.
11. Lumalabas ng dis-oras ng gabi.
12. Kaduda-dudang phone activities.
13. Biglaang pagkakaroon ng bagong interes o gawain.
14. Biglaang interes sa diet at exercise, at pagbabago sa appearance at hygiene. Kaniyang interes sa sex.
15. May lipstick at bahid ng makeup sa damit, at amoy-women’s perfume o massage oil

Source : Ang Pinaka TV Show on QTV-11

The Top Ten Quotes On Beauty And Ugliness

* Fwafibear - Minsan naglalakad ako at bigla akong hinimatay. Ayun, nauso ang term na drop-dead gorgeous.
* Jose de vengenge - All from Imelda: “People say I’m extravagant because I want to be surrounded by beauty. But tell me, who wants to be surrounded by garbage?
* Mikki - Minsan napasandal ako sa pinto. Ayun, nauso ang boy-next-door.
* No name/Lights - From Gloria Diaz: “Beauty is skin deep, but ugliness goes right to the bone.”
* Edodong - BF: “Ayoko na, hiwalay na tayo!” GF: “Bahala ka! Akala mo ba, makakahanap ka pa ng katulad ko?” BF: “Bakit, sinong nagsabi na ang hahanapin ko ay ang katulad mo ulit?”
* Jose de vengenge - “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me because your man thinks I am.”
* Emo Diva/Jetlog - Ugly customer: “Gawin mo kong maganda!” Parlorista: “Beautician lang po ako, hindi magician!”
* Pia - Isang araw dumaan ako sa harap ng isang mag-syota. Ayun, nauso ang third party.
* Febkinse - Minsan may na-inlove sa yo. Ayun, nauso ang LOVE IS BLIND!
* Frederique - From my gay cousin: “Pag ang lalaki may beauty kit at matagal gumamit ng CR, parang installment yan — bi now gay later.”
* The Game - One day during college while we were reviewing in the Sampaloc area, a friend rushed in shouting, “May saksakan!” When everybody rushed out he added, “May sakasakan ng panget.”
* Patrick - I may be fat, but you’re ugly. And I can always lose weight.
* Madscientist - From Imelda: “I have to look beautiful so that the poor Filipinos will have a star to look at from their slums.”
* Tantantiniiin - When my chubby friend showed us her lifetime membership at a gym in Makati, all my friends said in chorus, “You mean it will take a lifetime?”
* Hazelnut - My friend told his date: “Wow, your eyes are really attractive.” After his date blushed, he added, “They attract each other.”
* Shining -If beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, then so is ugliness.
* Shining - Ugliness is superior to beauty because it lasts.
* Mighty Aphrodite/Cbboating - My friend always reminds us: “Oiliness is next to Ugliness.”
* No name - From Winston Churchill (to a woman offended by his loud manner): “Tomorrow madam, I shall be sober. But you, on the other hand, shall still be ugly.”
* Bongoloid - “Metrosexual”: Isang metro nalang, homosexual na!
* Jose de vengenge - Minsan, napa-upo ako sa gitna ng maraming tao. Ayun, nauso ang center of attraction.
* Jose de vengenge - Minsan, napanaginipan mo ko. Ayun, nauso ang dreamboy.
* Ronnie - Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
* McMaki - I once said to my female friend, “Ang ganda mo sigurong bakla”. So she answered, “Ikaw naman, ang gwapo mo sigurong tibo.”
* Sabrinaileen - Rarely do great beauty and great virtue dwell together.
* No name - A transvestite friend always gets compliments for looking stunningly pretty. Every time people say, “Ang ganda mo naman!” His standard reply is, “Salamat, sana ikaw rin!”
* No name - Beauty intoxicates both the holder and the beholder.
* Xtinger - Claire dela Fuente said in an interview: “Pag may pera ka na, wala ka nang karapatang maging panget.”
* RC N CESS - “Kung ang pupunta lang ng langit eh lahat ng pangit, paano naman ako? At kung ang pupunta lang ng langit eh lahat ng guwapo, paano naman kayo?”
* Andrea - “If Darwin’s theory says that we evolved from monkeys…bakit may taong mukhang kabayo?”
* Sabrinaileen - Umberto Eco: “Ugly bodies are more interesting than beautiful ones because ugliness knows no bounds.”
* Kimchii 14 - There is no “I” in UGLY, but there is a “U”.
* Stunnedsilence - Buffy The Vampire Slayer - “All men are created equal? That’s just propaganda spouted out by the ugly.”
* Rodel - From Sophia Loren: “Sex appeal is 50% what you’ve got, and 50% what people THINK you’ve got.”
* Vie - Tapos na Evolution…bakit ka nagpaiwan?
* Jose de vengenge - Walang pangit sa t*ting galit.

Source : Morning Rush with Chico and Del

ANG PINAKA: SEXY SHIRTLESS HUNK

1. Dingdong Dantes
2. Piolo Pascual
3. Mark Nelson
4. Jake Cuenca
5. Dennis Trillo
6. Sam Milby
7. Derick Ramsey
8. Zanjo Marudo
9. Will Devaughn
10. Borgy Manotoc

Source : Ang Pinaka Show on QTV 11

The Top Ten Flirting Moments

* No name - During my college days, I was waiting for my girlfriend to finish her class while waiting at the park. A girl approached me asking to open her Gatorade bottle, “Puwede pabukas?” Later, she came back saying, “Puwede pasara?”
* No name - I’m a girl and I’m bisexual. I have a friend who said that her wish for my birthday is for me to be straight. I told her, “Paano ko magiging straight, eh ang ganda-ganda mo.”
* No name - It was the student council campaign period when this cute presidential candidate came to our room to campaign, and to me, smiled, shook my hand and gave me a sticker. What a flirty user.
* No name - I was walking in a mall, when I noticed this guy looking at me. He approached me and started a conversation. Later, he confessed that he’s married. He had to remove his wedding ring just to talk to me.
* Frederique - I had a patient who was smelling so good that I couldn’t concentrate on the procedure that I was doing on him. So i said, “Cancel your plans for the day, matagal tayo.” He asked how long it will take, so I said, “2-3 hours or until your perfume wears off…”
* RED - I was flirting with a girl last Saturday night. We were dancing and having fun. She touched my butt and i touched hers too. I got excited pero nagulat ako kasi nahubaran siya sa harap ng maraming tao…natanggal ko pala accidentally yung pagkakatali ng damit nya.
* K9 - I saw this really HOT babe sitting near me in this bar. Eyes met. She smiled. Then she goes: “Kuya, ang tagal na tayong di nagkikita! She was my cousin!”
* Zekidam - Just to be w/ my crush who is also my classmate, I joined several male pageants and unintentionally won as Mr. College.
* Mitchy-Bitchy - I was an acolyte in high school and during communion, I would intentionally hit the chins of the pretty girls with the cold metal pallete and my forefinger. After the mass, I would hurriedly look for them to say sorry. Most of whom became my barkada. The girl who I hit the hardest got so mad, that I offered her a trip to the altar after 10 years. We now have 3 kids but I probably really hurt her chin because we’ve been separated now for 6 years.
* Bonique - A guy in an elevator told me, “Hi, I’m Francis.” I told him, “Hi, I’m married.”
* Shining - On an escalator, A guy told me, “Hi, I’m Jori.” I answered, “Hi, I’m pregnant.”
* TReiz - I hang out at Fullybooked, and I started helping out a girl who was checking out the comics. I asked her, “Anything else?” She answered, “Your number.”
* SPY Shadow - When we were kids, this flirty playmate of mine climbed the ladder up our tree house before me, just to show me her new panties w/ ruffles!
* Hannah - I was on my way to the carpark when streetkids walked towards me to ask for barya. I decided to give them some of the food that I bought, when from behind me, a cute tall guy said “Naku, hindi ka titigilan niyan.” So I told the kids, “Sa kanya nalang kayo manghingi.” The kids started pulling at his clothes to ask money and he playfully ran away. I went to my car, but a few minutes, one of the kids started knocking at my window and said, “Ate ano daw pong name mo. Di daw niya kami bibigyan ng pera pag di mo sinabi.”
* Bottom Dweller - At manang’s carinderia near our office, her daughter serves us. She nags my officemates, but is always sweet to me. I flirt with her because she gives me extra servings.
* Tucci - We are a gay couple. One time, my boyfriend kept flirting with girls. We had a big fight. In tears, he admitted that he was sorry. He told me, “I think I’m straight!”
* Zekidam - Everytime my crush buys prepaid load at my store, I always accidentally hold her soft hands whenever I give her change.
* KiD BuKid - During our company outing in Batangas, my hot supervisor sat on a sea urchin. Of all the men there, she asked lucky me to pee on her thighs, and I also carried her to the aid station. It worked, she later became my girlfriend!
* K9 - In a party, I offered this cute girl some fruit punch. I asked if she liked anything else and she said, “Yeah. The boy who offered me fruit punch.”
* Dana - Hot guy sent me a drink with a note that said: “Love the dress. And hot shoes!” Gay!
* SPY Shadow - Years ago at Rumors, this hot gal intentionally poured her Screwdriver on my pants, then said sorry while wiping it with the hem of her little, tight, black dress!
* Your Highness - It was my 1st time going abroad & this hot seatmate of mine covered both of us w/ her blanket, embraced me almost the whole 9-hr flight to Bahrain, then kissed me when she got off. I never got to know her name.
* Frederique - After my friend asked the waiter to enumerate their specials, I asked about their desserts and he said, “Ma’am, kung sweet ang hanap niyo, eh ako na yun! Wala na kayong hahanapin pa!”
* Maestra - I was with my high school crush and we were still virgins that time. He held my hand for the first time, and I suddenly felt that I peed a little in my undies when his fingers interlocked with mine

Source : Morning Rush with Chico and Del

ANG PINAKA: PATOK NA MANILA SPOTS

1. LUNETA AT NATIONAL MUSEUM OF THE FILIPINO PEOPLE
2. BAHAY-TSINOY
3. INTRAMUROS
4. CCP SEAWALL
5. CARRIEDO
6. DIVISORIA/168 SHOPPING MALL!
7. AVENIDA
8. KAINAN SA QUIAPO/GLOBE LUMPIA HOUSE!
9. RESTAWRAN SA REMEDIOS CIRCLE SA MALATE AT SA BAYWALK ALONG ROXAS BOULEVARD!
10. ONGPIN!

Source : Ang Pinaka TV Show on QTV-11

The Top Ten Statements That Reveal Your Real Age (Sent in by Geyp)

* Oliver/Evicat/Kobe Kong/Peter Perfect/Patring - A friend found out that I’m in a band, and she said, “Wow ang galing naman, tumutugtog ka sa combo!”
* GRACiA/Rijo - Two friends and I were talkng over a 3-way telecon, then the guy said, “Ang dami natin. Hello, PARTYLINE?”
* Cute-kikay - When my boyfriend and I were still new, his dad asked him, “So, kumusta naman kayo ng bata mo?”
* Yenz - My boyfriend asked for prmission from his mom that he’s watching Bamboo’s concert. His mom answered, “Alin, Bamboo organ sa Las Piñas?”
* Mikmik Power - Nung 1st salary ko, I treated my mom to Starbucks. When we got there, she told the waiter, “Anak, Blend 45 yung sa akin, ha?”
* Drewbuttercream - If you ask someone, “Mag-on na ba kayo?”
* No name - My boss told me the other day: “Pare, ano yang pinapanood mo? Bold?”
* Makisig - If you want rootbeer but you order, “sarsaparilla”.
* Yñaki - If you call skinny jeans, “baston na stretch”.
* Diemyrus - My mom would tell my dad if he comes home late from work, “O, galing ka na naman sa kalachuchi mo!”
* Jose de vengenge - If you text “LOL” to someone, and they answer, “Ulol ka rin!”
* YñaKì - If someone ask you, “Ano ba ang ‘Flavor of the Month’ ng Magnolia ngayon?”
* RC and Cess - I was watching CSI, when my uncle blurted out, ‘McGyver ba yan?’”
* Guel Mytes - If you’re watching a movie and you ask, “Saan tayo, balcony o orchestra?”
* Buribot - If you blurt out gems like, “Walastik ang trapik!”
* Espeks - If the last org you joined was, “Uncle Bob’s Lucky 7 Club”.
* Garfield - If you’re downloading porn and your friend goes, “Ano ba yan, puro bomba!”
* RC N CESS - My mom was scolding me wen I left the ref open: “Wag mong iniwang bukas ang FRIGIDAIRE!”
* Takleza/Espeks - If you’re meeting up at Glorietta, but your friend says, “Magkita-kita tayo sa Quad!”
* KiD BuKid/Takleza - If you’re bragging about your new flip-flops and you say, “O, ang gara ng step-in kong Havaianas, no?”
* JNL - My friend still says, “Magpa-parlor naman tayo!”
* Awsom - If, after church, may nagyaya sa “Fiesta Karnabal”
* Espeks - If you mean “malling”, but you say, “pagbubulakbol”.
* Cheyenne - If instead of “Hi-five!”, you say, “Give me five!”
* Zane - If you call hookers, “hostess”.
* Hoiram - If you say, “Kain tayo sa Shangri-la, okey ang smorgasbord dun!”
* CnigngNaBngus - If your friend never emails, so you write to him, “Hindi ka na lumiliham, gumamit ka ng makinilya para mabilis.”
* XJ - My wife always refers to the police as “Metrocom”, and she is just 42.
* Gerver - If you say “Kentucky naman tayo!”, instead of KFC.
* MickyPup - If you call commercials, “patalastas”.
* Jose de vengenge - “Ayyy…bakit ayaw na tumayo?”
* Kukay - A friend from the office still refers to SM as “Shoemart”.
* Mermaid - One time I asked my friend “Ano yung PSP, pareho ba yan ng ‘Game and Boy’?”
* Raindancer - If your favorite cartoons is “Herculoids”. (Chico: Damn, Herculoids was really my favorite cartoon as a kid!)
* Espeks - If a girl asks you, “May extra ka bang pasador?”
* Jose de vengenge - When Friendster was still very new, a friend asked me “Marami ka na bang testis?” My mom overheard so she asked, “Anak, at kelan ka naman nagpadagdag ng betlog?”

Source : Morning Rush with Chico and Del

ANG PINAKA: BONGGANG FIESTA SA PILIPINAS

10. Lechon Festival - Balayan, Batangas
9. Higante Festival - Angono, Rizal
8. Moriones Festival - Marinduque
7. Fiesta ng Nazareno - Quiapo, Manila
6. Giant Lantern Festival - San Fernando, Pampanga
5. Mascara Festival - Bacolod City
4. Ati Atihan Festival - Kalibo, Aklan
3. Panagbenga - Baguio City
2. Pahiyas Festival - Lucban, Quezon
1. SINULOG Festival - CEBU City

Ang Pinaka PABORITONG SHOPPING PLACES NG MGA PINOY

1. DIVISORIA
2. ANG NAGLALAKIHANG MALLS
3. TIANGGE NG GREENHILLS
4. MARKET, MARKET
5 EASTWOOD CITY
6. TIENDESITAS
7. MARIKINA RIVERBANKS
8. ST. FRANCIS SQUARE TIANGGE
9. BACLARAN
10. DAPITAN ARCADE
11. CUBAO
12. QUIAPO
13. POLICARPIO STREET
14. GILMORE AVENUE
15. DOWNTOWN NG AVENIDA!

Source : Ang Pinaka TV Show on QTV-11

The Top Ten Signs That You’re A Pervert

* Marcus - When saying goodbye, you say things like, “See Yours!”, “Vagi-now!”, “Babay-again!” and “Titi You Later!”
* Michael Agustin - Back in high school, I was taking a bath when my dad knocked on the door and said, “Anak, kakain na tayo! Mamaya mo na ulit laruin yan.” Takes 1 to know 1. My dad is a pervert too.
* SPY Shadow - Sila yung balik ng balik sa entrance ng building para makapkapan ulit ni Manong guard. At galit pa kung walang malisya ang kapkap nila.
* Bongoloid - You’re a pervert if all the pages of your girly magazines are sticking to each other.
* Jose de vengenge - For girl perverts. Pag nakitulog sa inyo ang hot sexy crush mo, you make him wear your 13-yr-old brother’s butas-butas na shorts para maliit na sa kanya, at may makikita ka pa.
* Jessie - I find it sexy when I see two dogs sniffing butts.
* Enigmatic - I’m a straight guy, but when I’m at the beach, I admire men’s buff bodies. I can’t explain it, but I’m also drawn to men’s nipples.
* Ateh ko - Whenever I see my crush at work, we hug each other. I love it especially wen he hugs me so tight and my breasts are pressed against his sexy chest. Nakakailang, pero I like it.
* No name - Our admin secretary, around 38 years old, sometimes wears high-heeled shoes that has a reflective metal plate in the toe area. I call it her “pasilip” shoes.
* Triggerhappy - You’re a pervert kung after sex, ihi na nga lang ang pahinga, sisilipan mo pa.
* Lebroni - When you talk like Chico and think like Delamar.
* Mr. Perk - If your favorite part of a haircut is the rinsing because someone’s touching your hair and it gives you a different sensation.
* RC N CESS - This topic is very tempting. I’m in a bus going to Cavite. And just about now, girls in PE uniforms just boarded.
* Bottom Dweller - Jon, a friend of mine, has a decade’s worth of Avon underwear brochures.
* Maximo - Pag lagi kang pumupunta sa funeral parlor para tingnan yung mga ine-embalsamong mga hubo’t hubad na bangkay.
* Tim - I have fantasies of our female boss sexually harassing me. She’s fun, hot and my age. So if she’s listening right now, “Ma’am, pramis…hindi ako papalag.”
* Espeks - Kung kembot pa lang ng balakang ng girl, eh umiilaw na ang bombilya mo.
* Yalem - My brother is certified pervert. Whenever I open my personal pc, he puts wallpaper of nude girls. Sa history naman ng websites, lahat porn sites and when I use the keyboard, its always sticky.
* Boobsie 36″ - I’m a female with a size D cup bra. I really couldn’t believe I could suck my own nipples.
* Jose de vengenge - If you know all the top porn sites like youporn, xtube, xlive & iyotube.
* Mr. Hard-Rock Abs - My perversion is to look at guys’ armpits wherever, whenever.
* Espeks - I have a friend who rides the FX and uses his elbow as his main weapon to feel the hot girl beside her.
* Muldr’s Luvr - I think I’m a perv because I always fantasize about doing “it” w/ my young, tall, fresh and good-looking subordinate who has flawless skin and smells good even when he’s sweating. Oops, too much info…sorry.
* KiD BuKid - Perverts’ rooms smell like Clorox!
* Jose de vengenge - Guys please don’t judge me for admitting this ah. I get excited when I read/hear rape stories in the news especially if they’re detailed.
* SUPAH GODDESS - Whenever I see the armpits of John Lloyd Cruz, Jake Cuenca and Richard Gutierrez, oh goodness, I start to have erotic images of them.
* McMaki - If you try to stand close to people so you can sniff how they smell.
* Dox - I can’t eat a banana or sausage without choking at some point.
* Purplerose - You’re a pervert when you stay underwater in a pool for hours even if you can’t swim just to look at the “different” view from below the water.
* Cheyenne - Sila yung mga tuwang-tuwa kapag may baha kasi inaabangan nila yung mga estudyante na naglililis ng kanilang uniform para hindi ito mabasa!
* Marcus - Sarili mong asawa china-chansingan mo in public.
* Your Highness - One sure sign that you’re a pervert is pag laging malagkit ang pusod mo!
* Glioblastoma - When you always have thoughts of having sex inside a balikbayan box.
* Black Coffee - I’m a pervert because whenever I spot a hot sexy girl, sumisikip ang pantalon ko.
* No name - You are a pervert if you have a copy of one of the following not-so-wholesome animated movies: “Snow White Does the Seven Dwarves”, “Beauty Digs the Beast”, and the all-time favorite, “The Loin King”.
* M.E. - My husbnd saves a lot of those porn videos in his phone. I get angry when his phone memory is low because of this. But when he’s asleep, I secretly take a peek at the videos.
* KiD BuKid - If you always fake having sore eyes, so you’ll get away with getting immediate “medication” from the lactating young Moms!
* Diemyrus - If you’re happy when you’re packed like sardines in the MRT.
* No name - Kapag binobosohan mo ang sarili mo.
* ACER - Back in college, we deliberately wear basketball shorts when in a jeepney, and sit a certain way so that when girls in short shorts get on, our knees rub their legs.
* Jose de vengenge - When on a date, ang paalam mo pag iihi ka: “Excuse me, I have to shake hands with a friend of mine who hopes to meet you after dinner..”

Source : Morning Rush with Chico and Del

The Top Ten Sexperiences

* Bottom Dweller - Guys, there is this sensual massage extra service where you get the hot & cold treatment, where the girl drinks hot tea then cold juice alternately, while giving you a… you-know-what. The hot & cold treatment is called oj-bj, or orange juice b*** j*** in a place along Quezon Ave.
* Arwen - Sobrang dumi ng phone ko yesterday. It was so full of dirty text messages we exchanged the whole day.
* Maximo - Ang pinakamalambot na body part ng bading ay ang kanilang baba? Kasi kahit ilang beses humampas ang baba nila sa itlog, hindi nababasag ang itlog.
* Maximo - Ang pagkain ng mani ay nakakabingi. Nung naipit ulo ko sa hita, natakpan ang mga tenga ko, kaya wala akong marinig.
* JDV - Texts between guwapo and gay. Guwapo: “Love, pa-load naman P100, sex tayo after.” Gay: “0k!” (nagmadaling naghanap ng loading area) Gay: “Na-receive mo na love?” Guwapo: “HU U?”
* JDV/Louise - LOLO: Apo, buhatin mo nga ako. APO: Saan ko po kayo dadalhin, sa toilet o sa kuwarto? LOLO: Hindi, ipatong mo ako sa Lola mo.
* JDV - Pulis: Ilan ang nang-reyp sa ‘yo? Babae: Walo po. Pulis: Alam mo ba mga pangalan nila? Babae: Ay, iisa lang po pangalan nila. Pulis: Ano? Babae: “NEXT” po.
* Cleaver - At a male barkada inuman, we spotted a dog licking his thingy. Amid the laughter, one guy exclaimed, “Siguro dream ng lahat ng guys magawa yan sa sarili!” After he said that, awkward silence.
* Jesse Jude - A farmer lad was walking in the fields with a pretty girl. When they saw a bull mating with a cow, the lad told the girl, “I’d sure like to do what that bull is doing!” The girl answered, “Go ahead, it’s your cow!”
* Spongebob - My then girlfriend and I, did it the first time on a double deck bed with her younger brother sleeping on the upper deck. When things were getting a little rough, her brother woke up, went down the bed and ranto his parents house shouting, “Mama! Lumilindol!!!!”
* Amber - An officemate was talking about her friend’s honeymoon. It was the girl’s 1st time and when the guy got naked and she saw his large member, she got so terrified and started running! The guy chased her in his nakedness, running around the room.
* Dru - Some time ago, while in the throes of passion, my girlfriend blurted out, “Oooh…aaah…let’s get married!” Talk about killing the moment.
* Febkinse - I have a friend who is a medical student, and once they had a patient who went to the ER late at night, because they were stuck together down there.
* Allan - I’m queasy with uncooked food. So when my wife queefed while I was…”down there”…I barfed the dinner I just ate.
* Pandaytira - I was on a summer outing with my officemate-slash-friend with benefits. While chilling and chattng with friends, we were covered with blankets. She reached for my fly, unzipped it, blah blah blah…while talkng to the rest of the gang.
* Draco’s Biatch - For 3 nights, our house was pestered by a pervert caller wanting SOP. When my mom got to answer the phone, he asked her to strip & touch herself. She answered calmly, “Iho, sabayan mo ako, ‘Ama namin, sumasalangit ka…’” That ruined it for the horny caller.
* Ken - When my frend tried “the backdoor” for the first time…the girl fainted at the point of entry!
* Jacq - Mom: Anak, panahon na para pag-usapan natin ang sex. Anak: Uhm, ok. So ano ba gusto niyong matutunan?
* Sicnarf - FYI, in most monasteries of monks & nuns in the country, papaya is served at least once a week.
* No name - A foreigner and a Pinay were on their honeymoon. While doing it, the Pinay got thirsty and said, “Tubig! Tubig!” The foreigner smugly said, “Actually honey, it’s just the normal American size.”
* Dru - 4 years ago, I went out w/ someone for dinner, a movie & mind-blowing sex. When I got out of the shower for round 3, my date was gone…and so was my phone, PDA, wallet & bracelet.
* Scofiled - Giving in to my then future husband on our 10th visit. It must’ve been the japanese-inspired room. Kaya sa pangalawang beses, sumuko na naman ang Bataan.
Amanite - What is a hymen? It is a Thin sheet of flesh, like a membrane, inside a woman’s vajayjay. Its primary purpose is to greet entering penises: “Hi, men!”
* Humdinger - I have a friend who was about to do the “deed”. The girl said, “Hindi puwede, meron ako…” My friend said that’s okay with him. Then when he touched it, ang nakapa niya, bukol! Lalake pala ang loko.
* No name - WRONG SEND OF THE DAY: “Pare, huwag mong kalimutang dalhin yung condom ha? Luv u.”
* Chouji - While we were doing “it”, I heard her cry out in pain. I asked if she was still a virgin, but she answered, “You’re too heavy…”
* YñaKì - Inside a parlor, I overheard this: A ‘matrona’ was asked by the gay parloristas when was the last time she had sex. She answered, “1959!”. “Ang tagal na nun!” they said. The matron replied, “Anong matagal, eh 10:45 pa lang ngayon ah!”
* Tristan - Wife: Sino ‘tong baby na nag-text sa yo? Husband: Lalaki yan! Baby lang ang palayaw. Kumpare ko yan! Wife: Puwes, di raw kayo tuloy ng ‘kumpare’ mo kasi may mens siya!
* Xtinger - Nanay: Diba sabi ko sa yo na pag hinawakan ang boobs mo, say ‘DON’T!’ At pag hinawakan ang pepe mo, say ‘STOP!’. Eh bakit ka nabuntis? Anak: Eh sabay po niyang hinawakan ang boobs at ang pepe, kaya ang nasabi ko, ‘DON’T! STOP!’
* JDV - In bed, gusto ni mister mag hanky-panky with misis. Misis: “Not tonight, I have an appointment with my OB tomorrow, dyahe naman pag may sperm sa loob.” Mister: (long pause) “Eh sa dentist, may appointment ka?”

Source : Morning Rush with Chico and Del

Ang Pinaka " Bongang Celebreties Transformation" part 2

10. Jonalyn Viray
9. Roxxanne Guinoo
8. Karylle
7. Jericho Rosales
6. Sarah Geronimo
5. Katrina Halili
4. Dingdong Dantes
3. Angelica Panganiban
2. Marian Rivera
1. RUSTOM PADILLA aka BB GANDANGHARI

The Top Ten Grammatical Errors That Gave You A Headache

* No name - A note from an inter-office memo: “Dear sir: w/ reference to my above, please refer to my below.”
* Jose de vengenge - Slogan of Sr. Pedro’s Lechon Manok: “Once tasted, always wanted.”
* Jose de vengenge - In a resort in Rizal: “Not allowed to swim: t-shirt & maong. Allowed to swim: sando & shorts.”
* No name - I went to Vietnam and saw this sign in a resto: “no pay, no delicious”.
* jen70 - “I’m chicken tired of you!” (dahil para akong manok?)
* No name - We were eating squid for dinner and I blurted out, “Guys, who wants my testicles?” (I meant tentacles)
* Kyle - Our boss: “Is Randy is there?”
* Ramiele Malunggay - “When it rains, it’s four!”
* Kage - In a bus terminal near NAIA: “No outsider allowed inside!”
* Jose de vengenge - “So far, so good…so far.”
* Mcsupremy - In our church, pastor Santos was very sick, but all of a sudden, he got better. So the whole church made a banner: “GOD is good. Pastor Santos is better!”
* Goldfish - Every morning our manager would update us. She would always start with, “For your FYI…”
* Russell - Street sign: “Dumb truck, no entry.”
* Yen - My brod sa org told us about his English teacher in HS who said angrily: “Simple follow you cannot instruction, how can you graduation?”
* Cutericme - Friend: “Wat dat?” Me: “Pare, lagyan mo ng ‘S’.” Friend: “Wat dats?”
* Kaliwete Kid - We had a dept outing this weekend. The admin sent an email askng for our shoe sizes. It said: “Attendees will be receiving free fleep flaps.”
* Lie - A boss asked one of his employees: “May I see you pretty soon?” The employee answerd: “Why, don’t you think I’m pretty now?”
* Lie - In a restaurant I overheard a customer ask: “Do you have a specialty?” The waiter answered: “Sorry sir, we only have iced tea.”
* Daisy6 - Melanie Marquez: “Ang tatay ko ang only Living Legend na buhay pa!”
* Joyce - During a beach outing, an officemate said, “Tara, let’s go sand-bathing!”
* Tere - “Well, well, well, look do we have here!”
* Chinky - We once received a message from our scheduler: “I need the death certificates of the following employees: Dennis Cruz, Maryann Fernando, John Aquino.”
* SPY Shadow - Overheard during a dance party. Man: “May I dance?” Woman: “Centerly!”
* No name - Taken from a guard’s log book: “Security supervisor visited my post and passed away after five minutes.”
* No name - “Ang sakit ng MIND GRAIN ko!”
* Twylyt - When my assistant tells a client that she’ll give them feedback, she goes: “Ma’am I’ll feed you back nalang po.”
* No name - “Goats’ for sale” and “Goat,s for sale”.
* JP - “Keep that bear in mind.”
* Techie777 - Actual stuff written in patients’ medical charts in a certain public hostpital: 1. “Discharge status: alive but without permission.” 2. “She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.” 3. “The patient refused autopsy.” 4. “She is numb from her toes down.”
* Gorgeous Bitch - “I don’t give a dumb!”
* Stunnedsilence - A letter envelope w/o return address marked: “Guest who?”
* Evochiq - When I was applying in a call center I heard the front desk ask one of the applicants: “Are you a walk-in applicant?” He answered: “No, I commute!”
* Ivan - “It’s my alma mother.”
* Ginny - “Once in a bloom.”
* The Dark Passenger - At a wedding: “Let’s give them a warm of applause!”
* No name - “I second emotion!”
* Curly - “Ang sakit ng STEEP NECK ko!”
* No name - Sign in a tiangge selling bedroom items: “For sale: BED SHIT.”
* Untamed Swan - A sign in a Korean store: “No chewing cum.”
* Jose de vengenge - In cubao: “This lot not 4 sale. Call 0917

Source : Morning Rush with Chico and Del