* Shuurei - Fave quote on drinking: “Buo ang loob, wasak ang isipan.”
* Maximo - Nahuli ni misis si mister na lasing sa club, kaya nagpanggap siyang GRO. Mrs:”Pogi, gusto mo ko i-table?” Mr: “Ayoko sa yo, kamukha mo asawa ko!”
* Junus - “Biruin na ang lasing, kahit pa ang bagong gising, wag lang ang bading na inagawan ng booking.” * CnigngNaBngus - While drinking with the boss, she challenged, “Ang ayaw na uminom, bading!” Wanting to go home already, I told her, “Suko na akesh!”
* Sh0aoDaBrat - You know why alcohol is better than milk? Pangit kasi pakinggan yung, “Tara ‘tol, dede tayo!”
* Maximo - A girl in a bar was offered margaritas, got drunk & was gang-raped. The next day, not remembering what happened the previous night, she came back to the same club & was again offered the same drinks. She said, “Ayoko na ng margarita, masakit sa puk*!”
* Pluralized LghtNing - Dead drunk and on a jeepney, I blurted out, “Mama, tagay!”
* KiD BuKid - I’ve had a priest seatmate once during a flight home from Dubai. At an altitude of 32,000 feet, he was asked by the stewardess if he would care for a hard drink. The churchman hesitated for a moment and then said, “Maybe not. We’re a little too close to ‘Headquarters!”
* Kresha - During a drink fest in Tagaytay, my cousin was so drunk that she chased my gay friend shouting, “Halika dito, gagawin kitang lalake!”
* Bottom Dweller - “Pare…ishang lashing nalang…bote na ko!”
* Tomba - Text exchange between 2 friends: Ben, the hunk, and Alvin, the gay who was drunk. Ben: “Matagal ko nang tinatago ang nararamdaman ko para sa yo.Mahal na mahal kita.” Alvin: “Oh my gosh, akala mo ba ikaw lang? Mahal na mahal din kita, Ben!” (long pause) Ben: “Pare, wrong send ako.”
* Junus - 2 drunks peeing in public toilet, one straight, one gay. Gay was watching straight guy as he peed. Straight: “Pag di ka tumigil, hahampasin kita nito!” Gay: “Promise?”
* Faus - “Drinking is the haven of the weak.”
* Marcus - While drinking with an unpopular American officer, one officemate blurted, “Langyang Kano ito, ang hina sa inuman! Isang bote palang, inggles na ng inggles!”
* PUTUNGTUNG’S DAD - A father was trying to teach his son about the evils of alcohol. He put 1 worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whisky. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whisky died. FATHER: “All right son, what have you learned?” SON: “Well dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, hindi ka magkakabulate!”
* Lanz - Isang girl may nakitang umiihing lasing sa daan. Girl: “Ano ba yan! Ang daming bulb*l pero ang liit ng t*ti!” Lasing: “Anong gusto mo, maraming tit* pero maliit ang bulb*l?”
* The Game - Dalawang lasing: Lasing 1: “Pare totoo bang babaeng lamok lang ang nangangagat?” Lasing 2: “Tanga, pati aso nangangagat!”
* Orrken - The morning after 2 guys were dead drunk, they woke up beside each other on a small bed. Guy 1: “Ang sikip!” Guy: “Ganun talaga…first time ko eh…”
* SC - During an all-girl inuman, one friend complained that only ugly men are courting her. Another friend assured her, “Ganun talaga, kasi yung mga guwapo, sila-sila ang nagliligawan!”
* Dok Erick - Couple sees a wounded skunk and picks it up. Wife: “It’s cold and shivering!” Husband: “Put it in between your legs.” Wife: “What about the smell?” Husband: “Takpan mo nalang ilong niya!”
* Mayi - “Beer over wine, not so fine. Wine over beer, never fear. Beer over whisky, very risky. Beer over brandy fine and dandy.”
* Specialist - I had a freudian slip and orderd, “Isa ngang sizzling tiyan ng bellydancer!”
* Jose de vengenge - Drunk 1: “”Ano nga pala spelling ng orange?” Drunk 2: “Alin, yung kulay o yung prutas?”
* Chinese Cowboy - “Huwag manghiram ng tapang sa alak dahil bukas duwag ka na ulit.”
* Baloy - “Drunken words are spoken by sober hearts.”
* No name - Namatay yung kapitbahay namin na drug dealer. Sa 1st night ng bur0l, may mga dumating na addict na mga lasing. Biglang lumapit yung isa, sabay yumakap sa kabaong sabay sigaw ng, “Drug lord, bakit mo kami iniwannn!!!”
* Amber - “What’s the use of a hangover if the heart still hurts more than the head?”
* Jhun Gwapo - “Drinking doesn’t cure any trouble, but it only holds your problem till tomorow.”
* Jose de vengenge - Our gay friend was trying to comfort a straight friend who just broke up w/ his girlfriend. STRAIGHT: “Wala na kong silbi! Puputulin ko na ang ari ko at ipapakain sa aso!” GAY: “Arf! Arf! Arf!”
Source : Morning Rush with Chico and Del
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